And the Walls Came Tumbling Down
by chainedirisheagle
Summary: Bella's life is destroyed by the eartquake in Haiti.How is she going to go on? She lost her children and her husband.She has to start over. She incounters Edward shortly after she loses them.She is told by Jacob that she is meant to help Edward.How?Why?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Twilight and its characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended with the posting of this story.

**This is my first fanfic, so please be kind. **

**I would like the thank lotusblossom and maxandmo for your guidance, trust and inspiration.**

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**And the Walls Came Tumbling Down**

~Chapter 1-Total Devastation~

~Bella~

I sat there just perplexed and wondering how I had lost it all. My life went from joyous to completely falling to shambles in the blink of an eye. I went there to help people less fortunate than myself. I gave my life and the life of my family to help, and what does God do but give me the biggest test of my life. I have always gone through my life believing God only gives you what he believes you can handle and does so to make you a stronger soul. I never imagined in my 27 years on this Earth, I could be tested so harshly.

I was drained and exhausted, dreaming about the children and husband I had lost in the earthquake. It has been less than 12 hours since the devastation began and already I felt I had lived a lifetime without them. I felt a void in my heart which I knew would never be filled. Jacob, Leah and Seth were my life. We are all so young and just starting our lives. I can't help but ask why I was spared, Leah is only six and Seth is only 4 (I am still speaking as if they are still alive). How can this happen, how can God do this to me? I have lost the love of my life, Jacob. He was a part my soul. He completed me and now he is gone.

Haiti was the one place we thought our skills could help. I loved to care for the people in the run-down hospitals and I felt it was a challenge to do so. The technology here was subpar to say the least. I had to use the skills I learned in nursing school to their fullest. The doctor could not just order any test willy nilly and I couldn't just hope they would be able to come every other day to their dialysis treatment, every treatment could have been their last. I had become so attached to each patient and I felt as if they were a part of my family. I wonder how many of them I had lost because of this awful earthquake.

Jacob followed me here thinking he could start making each building more earthquake proof, one building at a time. But, with the limited resources and politics he was having a difficult time, yet he did feel he was making some sort of difference. Now, I find it extremely ironic how he was killed by what he devoted his life to fix and his children, which were his life, met the same fate. I found myself asking God again, why was I spared?

I arrived at work that morning knowing it was going to be a long day. We had three shifts of patients to dialyze and I knew I wouldn't be done until around 6 in the evening. The day was running smoothly and we were on schedule. Then it happened just as we were putting the last shift patients on the machines. The whole room shook and debris started falling from the ceiling, then the electricity went out for a moment before the generators kicked in. All the machines were alarming and the patients were panicked. You have to understand how vulnerable you are when you are hooked up to a dialysis machine. Each patient has two large bore metal needles stuck into their arms with at least 1 unit of blood out of their body in the tubes and the dialyzer. Each patient can't just get up and walk out. Most patients were wheelchair bound and immobile. Each nurse ran from machine to machine trying to manually pump their blood back into their bodies. But, we did not have the time, we need to cut and run. We then went and clamped each patient we could and attempted to get them into a safe place. The ceiling started falling in and crushed the patients and nurses on the north side of the room. I had lost more family and co-workers. The walls were literally tumbling down on top of me. The screaming was deafening. The panic in everyone's eyes was haunting. As I looked around I saw all the patients pleading and begging for me to help them, for me to save them. And I couldn't, there wasn't time to save each one. How can I save them all? How can I choose who to help first? Who was I to decide who lives and who dies? Everything was happening so fast and yet I felt like I was moving in slow motion. I am but one person; I already lost two nurses when the ceiling collapsed on the north side of the room. Occasionally I would get flashes in my mind of my family. Where were they, how were they? How can I be so selfish, I had patients depending on me for their lives? Why was I thinking of my family? I needed to focus. I immediately regained my composure and went over to another patient and began clamping his lines. I grabbed his wheelchair and began to lift him from the dialysis chair to the wheelchair, it was then everything went blank. I woke up several hours later on the cot I am currently laying on in a make shift hospital. It took me a few moments to realize where I was and also to realize I was not having a nightmare. THIS WAS REALLY HAPPENING!!! I was told by the staff the entire building had collapsed and the dialysis machine saved my life. The ceiling fell right where I was trying to transfer the patient, but the machine left space for me to fall without being crushed. I did have a mild concussion from the ceiling hitting me on the top of my head. The headache was nothing compared to the injuries I saw all around me. There were patients lying there with crushed and missing limbs. Moaning and pleading for me to help them once again. I needed to get out of here.

I rose from the cot to walk outside to see the crumbled city. I looked one block down to the apartment building I knew my family was in. It did not look good. As I walked the down I saw more death than I care to think about. When I approached the building I saw my neighbor, Laurent, sitting on the curb sobbing. I asked him if he was hurt, since he had a large amount of blood coming from the gash on his head. He shook his head no and then when he realized it was me asking him, he began to sob uncontrollably. This scared me and shocked me once again, as if I could be shocked anymore than I already was.

"Laurent, please tell me what is wrong, where is Jacob, Leah and Seth? Have you seen them?" I don't think I could get the words out fast enough.

"Oh, my Bella, it's gone, their all gone. The children didn't get out, I tried, I just tried." I could hardly understand the words, he was crying hard as he spoke.

It was then that I fell to my knees. I began to scream 'why' and sob. I was just kneeling there and the bile started to rise up. I proceeded to vomit violently, nothing was coming out. I just kept retching and wondering when this hell was going to end. How could this happen? I needed to see them, I needed to understand. I knew I never would.

"Where are they? I need to hold my babies!!! Help me find them, Laurent, please help me!!!" I practically screamed this request at him, but my voice was weak from the dry heaving.

He got up from the curb, wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to a row a dead people under white sheets. He spoke with one of the volunteers in French and let them know who I was. The gentleman then looked at me with sadness in his eyes and said, "Viens avec moi, Mam?"

So, I followed Laurent and the gentlemen. After walking about 15 feet he abruptly stopped and motioned to us that this was where my family was placed. Under the white sheets I saw two very small bodies and one large. A child's toes were sticking out from under one of the sheets. I knew immediately it was Seth. My baby was dead under that sheet, how is this possible?

Laurent grabbed a hold of me and held me up by hugging me tightly. My knees were ready to give out once more.

"Bella, do you want to see them? Let me help you."

We both knelt down slowly and lifted the sheet off of the large body. Lying there was my love, my life, Jacob. The one side of his face was covered in blood and his body was crushed from his chest down. He obviously died from internal injuries. I began to wipe his face with my sleeve and kiss his cold lips. I told him how much I loved him and that I thought he was in a better place. I asked him to watch and take care of Seth and Leah.

Then I moved to the next small body under the sheet, my beautiful Leah. She looked very peaceful. She had a small amount of blood dried at the corner of her mouth and no other obvious injuries. I checked to see if there was a pulse. As soon as I put my finger on her neck I knew I was not going to find one, she was already very cold.

"I am so sorry baby, I should have been there. I love you very much and I am going to miss you. You and Seth are my life and I can't picture a day without you. Please take care of daddy and watch out for your little brother. You guys all have each other now in a happier place." As I spoke these words I would rock her back and forth tightly in my arms. I was trying to control the sobs which would sometimes sneak out, but I needed her to see me be strong.

I moved down to my baby boy. I picked him up and looked at his angelic face and began to sob again. "Oh my baby, I miss you already. I hope you are not hurting anymore. Behave for your daddy and be nice to your sister. No teasing. I love you and I always will." Then I began to singing the same song I sang to him every night for the last four years of his life. The song is for Christmas. He knew this, but for some reason it always calmed him. "_Silent Night, Holy Night. All is calm, all is bright. Round yon Virgin, mother and child. Holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace."_

I put him back down and went through and kissed each member of my family again. I gave them one last 'I love you' and said goodbye. I covered them back up and left with Laurent to go back to the hospital to try and figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my destroyed life.

As I arrived back at the hospital, I practically walked right in to Dr. Cullen. He likes to be called Carlisle. He looked at me with such sympathy. He was surrogate father since Jacob and I have been here in Port-Au-Prince. My father is still alive, but I have not spoken to him in a while. Carlisle just took care of us when he was here. He would come for a month and leave for a month. He still had family living in a small town by Seattle, Washington. He treated my children as if they were his own grandchildren. I loved and respected him. I thanked God that he was still alive.

He grabbed me when I entered into a tight embrace. He told me he was glad to see me and how he feared the worst when he heard what happen to the dialysis clinic.

"Laurent, why don't you go over there and have your head looked at?" Laurent did as Carlisle said and went over to the triage nurse. I said a simple thank you as he walked away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He always spoke so caring and compassionate.

"They are gone, Carlisle. We have lost them all. They were crushed in the apartment. How am I going to live without them?" I spoke through sobs and tears. I was having a hard time catching my breath.

"We will come up with something. I am so sorry for your loss. Bella, I think you should go home to the states."

"I can't, I have nowhere to go." I was almost sobbing again.

"Why don't you go and be with my family? Esme would love to have you."

"I don't know? I don't know if I can leave them here. What about the funerals, what about everything?" I was so distraught and confused. There's no light at the end of this tunnel.

"Please just think about it. You can handle everything from there and I will make sure to get your family to you. Esme can help with all of the arrangements. Just think it over and let me know, I will set it all up."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I mean Carlisle."

I went back to my cot and decided to try and sleep fat chance of that happening.

I just can't stop crying and I am drowning in my own sorrow. I just keep lying here on this cot not helping with anything. What am I supposed to do, how can I help when I don't think I should be here? Why didn't I just die with the rest of my family, I want to be with them?!!!

I am looking around and all I see is complete devastation. I know now it is time for me to decide what to do this life I was given. I am leaving this place tomorrow and I am going to Washington.


	2. Chapter 2That's Mrs SwanBlack to you!

**Thank you too lotusblossom, maxandmo and hubby for all the encouragement. Without the three of you, this would not be written. **

**I know you all wondering why I rated this story 'M'. Well, you are about to find out. There are some lemons contained within this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. I have no outline; I am coming up with each chapter as I write. This story could lead anywhere, depending on reviews. For those of you that have reviewed, Thank You, it means a lot to me!! **

***All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.***

**~Chapter 2-That's Mrs. Swan-Black to you!!~**

**~Bella~**

I was able to locate Carlisle very quickly considering the chaos going on in the hospital with all the aftershocks. I was nervous but mildly relieved to know I was soon going to be able leave this destruction and no longer feel the crushing guilt. Guilt for not doing what I swore to do, to take care of the patients, guilt for being ALIVE! My family deserved to be here not me. My children should still be on this earth. I would have given my life for theirs. The inner turmoil was consuming me. I needed not to be here. If I was to stay my mind would be imprisoned in this place of devastation. What good would I be to anyone in that condition? I needed to be strong and be in a place where I can take care of my family. If I was to go stay in Forks with Esme I could clear my mind and begin the preparations for their memorial. I felt in my heart that this was all so quick and sudden, but I did not see any other way. I think I am in denial. God, just let me get to this new place.

"Carlisle, I have decided to take you up on your offer. I am not sure when you can make it happen, but, I would like to get out of here as soon as possible. But, I think I am going to have a problem, my passport was in my purse. I don't think I will have access to my purse anytime soon."

"I spoke with the people clearing up some of the debris in the area where the dialysis clinic was. They found a lot personal belongings and put them on the table over there. Please go and check out the area and see if your purse is there." He pointed to a table with several purses and wallets on it and a few toys. Seeing the toys made me think about my children again. They will never play with a toy again. I won't be able to celebrate anymore of their birthdays. August was the best month of the year. That was the month both of my beautiful children were born. Leah was born on the 8th and Seth was born on the 22nd. How could you ask for a better month to celebrate the best gifts I will ever receive?

I was able to locate my purse. It was a little dirty but otherwise it was completely intact.

24 hours later:

I was on the plane waiting for the approach into the Seattle Airport. I was feeling so many different emotions; guilt, fear and most of all extreme sadness. How could I have just left my family? I know Carlisle said he would take care of them and get them sent to me here, but I still felt this pull. Now I don't know if I should have left, am I a selfish person for leaving? Did I make the decision to leave to fast? Oh god, please help me. Now anguish is what I felt. How was I going to start over? I now have nothing. My family is gone and the world I have been living in for the last 7 years is gone. As my mind was racing through all of these thoughts and emotions I began to hyperventilate. I could not catch my breath and things started to get blurry. What is wrong with me? Was I injured worse then they originally thought? Did they miss something wrong with me back in Haiti? Was this and anxiety attack? It had been a couple of minutes feeling this way and it was not getting any better. The flight attendant came over to me to ask if I needed any help. I was unable to answer her. Things got really blurry at that point and I think I passed out because when I woke up I was not in the plane. I was in my bedroom back at the apartment. Jacob was with me and we were passionately kissing. Our tongues were moving in sync with one another, as if they were dancing. Then he began to lift off my scrub top and fondle my breasts. My nipples immediately reacted to his touch, as they usually did. While this was going on I reached down in his pants and pulled out his very erect penis. As I was stroking it up and down he began to moan, "You are all I ever need, I love you more than life itself."

I began to whisper back to him, "Jacob, I need to feel you inside me now, I want to be a part of you."

With that last statement he quickly went to ripping off my bottom scrubs and panties. I likewise ripped his clothing off as fast as possible. He thrust his cock in me so hard; I let out a small scream. He could be forceful and sexy at times. We made love for a half hour and fell asleep in each other arms. For some reason this episode seemed oddly familiar, like it has happened before.

I woke up once again I saw a curtain and side rails to a hospital bed. Where was I? I looked for a call button because at this point I realized I was in a hospital, which hospital I did not know. I pushed it and had an immediate response from a nurse.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"I hope so, my name is Bell Swan-Black, I just woke up and I do not know where I am? Can you help me?" I spoke anxiously.

"Someone will be right in."

That is when it happened. The most gorgeous man I have ever seen walked in from behind the privacy curtain. I immediately felt as if there was a warmness moving throughout my entire body, was I having another episode?

"Hello, Mrs. Swan-Black, I am Dr. Masen. You are at Northwest Hospital in Seattle, Washington. Can you tell me what day it is?" He asked this question trying to evaluate my level of concisenesses.

"I think it is January 14th. Please tell me I am correct." I asked unsure of my answer. I did not know how long I had been out.

"That is correct, mam. You gave us quite a scare. I believe the injuries you suffered during the earthquake were a little more severe than they thought. You had some swelling in the brain, but we were able to resolve it with a minimal amount of Mannitol."

"How do you know I was involved in the earthquake? Oh, and please call me Bella, mam, makes me feel old." I think I am flirting. What am I doing? This needs to stop now.

"The women that accompanied the ambulance let us know your history."

"Who accompanied the ambulance, the last thing I remember was being on the plane, about 20 minutes from landing?" I was starting to get worked up again.

"Bella, just calm down, it was Esme Cullen. She was at the airport waiting for your arrival." As he spoke he began to approach me. He placed his hand on my shoulder in such a gentle manor, yet when there was contact I felt a shock. I jumped slightly, as did he. I know he felt it to. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep having these odd sensations? "I need to do a small assessment. Can you sit up and lean forward for me please?"

He listened to my lungs and heart, examined my eyes and asked me a few more questions about my head injury. His beeper soon went off and he apologized, said he had to take the page and left the room.

After he left I felt strange. I felt like a part of me that I did not know about left with him. I just didn't know how to feel anymore. I have had so much happen within the last 48 hours, my mind was spinning. A nurse came in shortly after Dr. Masen left. She let me know I needed to stay the next 24 hours for observation and then I would be discharged. She also let me know I had some pain killers and antidepressants ordered PRN (as necessary).

"May I have some Percocet for the pain?" I figured if I took something I could sleep for the next few hours and not have to think about all the loss in my life. Once again I was trying to avoid thinking about everything that has happened to me.

I did not wake up until the next morning. When I awoke I noticed Esme sitting in the chair at the end of my bed reading a magazine. She looked so sweet and mature. She exuded such a maternal feeling. I have not seen that in anyone since my mother, Renee. I lost her several years ago to renal failure. She was a juvenile diabetic and became a very brittle diabetic after she had me. She wanted a child so badly she didn't care what she knew would happen to her if she tried to conceive and deliver a child. She was receiving dialysis for several years and waited the last three years of her life for a kidney transplant. It never came. She passed away 1 month after my wedding. I think she held on long enough to see her only child get married to a wonderful person. She wanted to see me happy and secure. When I married Jacob she knew I would be taken care of, she thought he was a generous and compassionate man. I was happy to have her at my wedding; it meant a lot to me that she along with my father could walk me down the aisle. I am saddened when I think of her because she never got to know her beautiful grandchildren. She would have spoiled them rotten. I named Leah Renee after her. But, because of everything I went through with her and her renal failure I knew what I wanted to be, a nurse. I wanted to take care of other mothers and grandmothers and make a difference. I hope I have. My mother would have wanted it that way.

"Oh, sweetheart, you're awake. How are you feeling? Do you need anything? I was very worried about you; I called Carlisle to let him know what happened on the plane. He said he will be here next week to see you." As she spoke I felt a sense of calm come over me. I finally felt safe.

"No, thank you Esme. Thank you for everything you did for me at the airport and I apologize for the scare. I didn't realize I was injured that badly. If I did I probably would not have flown this soon. Have you spoken with the doctors or nurses, do you have any idea when I am going to be discharged?"

"The doctor on call came by an hour ago and did not want to disturb you. He said he would be back when you awoke. He has to do one last assessment and then he will sign the discharge papers. "

"Great, I am eager to get out of here so you can go home, I am sorry I have kept you in Seattle for two days unnecessarily."

"Oh, don't be silly sweetheart; it is only a two hour drive. I drove back up here this morning. I will let the nurses know that you have woken up so you can get your breakfast and the doctor can come. I will be right back. Would you like me to get you a good cup of coffee while I am out there?"

"Sure, that would be great, thank you again!!!" She walked out and I took a deep breath. I was still in shock about everything. I must look horrendous. I tried to pull the bedside table over but the wheels were locked, so I decided to get up and go into the bathroom, I had to go potty anyway. I sat at the side of the bed way to fast because I almost passed out again. When I was finally able to get up I walked slowly with my IV pole in hand to the bathroom. I walked in and I was shocked. I had large black circles under each eye, my hair was standing straight up as if I had a mohawk and my face seemed slightly swollen. I attempted to comb through my hair with my fingers but it was a lost cause. I brushed my teeth with my finger and some water, which really didn't help my breath much, but oh well. I knew the coffee that Esme was bringing would solve the breath issue. I did not have any make-up of course, so there was nothing to do about the eyes. I went potty and headed back to the room. As I walked out of the bathroom a man was standing there in a long white coat.

"Hello, Miss. Swan, I am Dr. Newton. Let's get you checked out so you can go home." The way he was looking at me as he spoke was making me feel dirty. Was he eye-fucking me?

"It's Mrs. Swan-Black." I stated irritated. Look at my chart you dumb fuck, I am a married woman.

"Sorry, my mistake." He responded with annoyance. He did the same thing Dr. Masen did yesterday. He asked me the date, who the president was, if I remembered what happened to me to bring me here. He also checked my heart, lungs and eyes. I wonder if was able to hear a heartbeat, because I think my heart died with the rest of my family. My chest felt empty. It was like there was a black hole where my heart used to be. "I think you are ready to go. I do need for you to have a check up in a couple days and a follow-up CAT scan. Also, I have referred you to a psychologist to deal with the depression."

To deal with the depression, what in the hell is he talking about. Who diagnosed me with depression? I wanted to tell that asshole that I had just lost my husband of 7 years and my two young children. Of course I am going to be a little sad, but depressed, he can get bent!!!!

"OK, Dr. I will do that." I said this a little snippy.

"Goodbye then Mrs. Swan-Black, I will send the nurse in to give you your discharge instructions." The way he said my name was so condescending. He waved and walked out. Thank God, he rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn't as nice as the doctor I saw yesterday.

Esme returned shortly after with bath in a bag and some McDonald's for breakfast. Wow, she was amazing. After I got cleaned up and ate the nurse gave me the discharge instructions and Esme and I left. I of course left by wheelchair because it is hospital policy.

A Mercedes pulled up and Esme got out of the driver's seat to help me into the car. Once we were making our two hour drive back to Forks she began to ask me if I wanted to talk about anything. She said if I didn't want to it was ok. She was so understanding and patient. I think I made a good decision coming to stay here with her. I have to remember to thank Dr. Cullen for his brilliant idea. Esme treated me as her own and I felt as if I could share anything with her and she would help me through it. I wanted to open up to her but I was exhausted. I asked her if it was ok if I just slept for a while.

"Yes, dear that is perfectly ok. You need plenty of rest; please do not stay awake on my account."

So I slept the entire way back to the Cullen mansion. It took me a minute to try and think of the reason I was so tired. And then it came to me, a head injury, duh!!! I better see if there was any permanent damage to my head, I am not thinking clearly….


	3. Chapter 3 Shielded

**Thanks to lotusblossom, maxandmo and hubby for all of their support and ideas. **

***All the characters belong to SM***

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**~Chapter 3-Shielded~**

**~Edward~**

I was having a bad day. I was worried about Carlisle. Was he going to be OK, sometimes the aftershocks are worse than the original quake? I spoke with Esme this morning and she emphasized he was fine. They always tried to shield me from bad news. I think it in their nature because I have gone through so much in my lifetime. They wanted me to be happy and feel safe, never mind I am a 27 year old male that works in Level 1 trauma center. I have seen my fair share of devastation. I do believe if anything was seriously wrong with Carlisle, Esme would let me know.

But the worry could not escape my mind. I need to call Carlisle after I see my next patient. I was beeped a couple of minutes ago. A patient was brought in unresponsive from the airport. She has history of a head injury and was flying in from Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

I am a resident here at Northwestern and I love it. I am selecting neurology as my specialty. Ever since I was adopted by Esme and Carlisle I have envisioned myself following in Carlisle footsteps. He is such a compassionate man and someone I could respect and admire. I have seen how he has helped so many people in his life time, me included. He was the doctor that saved my life after the horrible car accident I was involved in with my parents. They were not as lucky as me. Both Elizabeth and Edward Sr. were pronounced dead at the scene. They both had suffered severe internal injuries and could not be saved. Everyone told me they died on impact. I didn't believe them. They all want me to believe that my parents did not suffer. But, I was already twelve when the accident occurred and I knew better. I was able to hear my mother breathing and she also asked me if I was OK. I was not able to respond. I could hear myself answer 'yes' in my head but no sound would come out of my mouth. Then her breathing stopped and I lost her. She died thinking I was already gone. I think she let go because she felt she had nothing else to live for. Hearing her alive after the accident and then hearing her life leave her body will leave scars in my mind that will never heal. She was the best woman I had ever known until I met Esme. My mother was the most gentle and giving person. She taught me how to play the piano and supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I tried everything from soccer to hockey. She was always there supporting me and rooting me on.

My father was a great man also. He just wasn't around as much as I would have liked him to be. He worked so many hours at the law firm trying to make a name for himself and support his family so my mother could stay home with me. He was very generous with his money but he could not be generous with his time, he didn't have it to give. One thing he did do with his free time was plan the most wonderful and exciting vacations for us to go on. We would go to Ireland, the Caribbean and Australia. But the best vacations were the ones when we would go camping in the mountains in Washington. It would just be the three of us roughing it. Although we did not stay in tents, due to my mother always insisting we rent a cabin with working plumbing. We did not go out to dinner or shop. We would spend the entire vacation playing games, fishing and hiking. It was pure quality time, with the most gifted and special people in the world.

On the way to one of those great vacations was when the unimaginable happened. We were just getting to the base of the mountain ready to make our trek up when we came around the bend and a mountain lion was standing in the middle of the road. It all happened so fast, my father attempted to stop the car and make a slight swerve but the black ice was not forgiving. The car slipped off the road and flipped several times as it fell down the side of the mountain. It was a pretty isolated area and chances were not good we would be discovered and rescued anytime soon. I am not sure how long my parents and I sat in the upside car before we were found. When rescuers finally arrived it was too late for my parents, but I was put on a backboard, put in a lift basket and hoisted out of the canyon the car landed in. I was then life-flighted here to Northwestern, which is where I had my first encounter with Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was the neurologist that first examined me and took me to surgery to relieve the pressure on my brain. Like I said before, he saved my life in more ways than one.

For months after the accident I was in a major depression. I was withdrawn and in shock. I didn't know why God kept me alive, why didn't I die with my parents? I missed them and needed to be with them. I couldn't stop asking these questions to God and everyone I came in contact with. The people that would answer me would always say the same thing, "Edward, you are meant to do great things and that is why you were spared."

The common answer would always frustrate me. OK fine, I can grasp the idea that I was kept here to do great things, but so were my parents, I knew they were doing great things before they were killed. They were wonderful people and the world was a better place with them in it. So, for that reason I didn't want to be in a world where they didn't exist any longer. I just wanted to die so I could be with them. Carlisle even had me admitted to the psychiatric unit for a suicide watch. I was admitted for weeks, put on many antidepressants and went thru much counseling. They were able to convince me that I was meant to be here and I cannot waste my life. My parents would have disapproved if they knew what I was doing to myself. As you can tell, I never committed suicide, but it was a very dark time in my life.

Since I was without any other living relatives Carlisle and Esme offered to take me in. They had all the necessary paperwork to be foster parents filled out and approved quickly. They took me in and watched over me with all the love they had. They treated me as one of their own. They didn't have any children, not for the lack of trying, but Esme had major problem with conceiving and carrying to full term. She had gotten pregnant a few times only to miscarry within the first trimester. Each time she was distraught. She was a maternal soul; she deserved to have a child to care for.

Both Esme and Carlisle were able to get me back on track. They picked up where my parents had left off. The piano lessons continued and I played a lot of soccer. Carlisle was always there for every recital and every game. It was one of the major differences between Carlisle and my father. Carlisle had wanted children also. He was saddened each time Esme would miscarry. Yet, Carlisle believed in fate. He knew if he and Esme kept being good people they would be rewarded. I think that is how they felt when I was brought into their lives.

~***~

I arrived at the nurses' station and grabbed the chart for the patient I was paged to consult on. She was involved in the earthquake, just as I had suspected. She was saved by a dialysis machine and Carlisle had examined her there in Haiti. Esme escorted her here. I wonder why how that happened. I began to look around for Esme and I didn't see her anywhere. I decided it was time to see this patient that knew my whole family. When I walked into her room I saw she was awake. She was lying in the bed looking a little worried and confused. But she was beautiful, no not just beautiful, she was breathtaking. My breathing changed slightly and my heart began to race. I introduced myself as Dr. Masen and asked her a few questions to ascertain her level of conscientious. She was unsure of the date but I let her know she was correct. I addressed her as 'mam'. She corrected me and told me not to call her mam, she said it made her feel old. She asked how I knew so much about her history and I told her that Esme Cullen notified the staff when she was brought in and it was then recorded in her chart. As I was speaking to her she began to get agitated. I spoke calmly and touch her shoulder. There was an immediate shock and it made me jump. What just happened? I didn't understand. I continued with my assessment confused by the feelings I was having while standing next to her and touching her.

As her head injury went she was stabilizing and I was confident in knowing she was going to be OK. A few moments later my beeper went off. I was late for surgery. I apologized to the Mrs. Swan-Black and I left the room. I felt a very odd sensation when I left. I was so confused. What was going on with me? I felt the need to be back in the room with her.

I needed to push these strange feeling to the side and focus on the task at hand. I needed to get to the surgery I was late for.

~***~

I got home after a long day at the hospital totally spent. I was literally falling asleep on my feet. I decided to grab a quick bite to eat and head off to bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

_I walked into the hospital room and she took my breath away. No words were spoken, just body language. I knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I approached her, grabbed her and kissed her with all the passion I had in my body. Her kisses sent shock waves throughout my entire body. She started to remove my lab coat and unbutton my shirt. So, I began to untie her gown. When the gown fell to the floor I was caught off guard by the perfection that was her body. Her breasts were firm, medium sized and very natural. She had curves in all the right places. She was thin, but not too thin. If I was to ever imagine the perfect woman, she would be it. I immediately got hard. She began to take off my pants as we began to kiss again. My hands moved right to her breast and pert nipples. I had to taste more of her, so I took her nipple in my mouth. She started to moan the most erotic sound, my dick got even harder. After she got my pants and boxer briefs off her breathing became staggered. She eyed my manhood with a look of hunger. She made me feel like the ultimate man. I gently placed her on the bed while sucking and biting at her nipples and she started to stroke my very erect cock. I moved up to her lips and she whispered for me to fuck her. Oh, God, I wanted her badly. I grinded my hips on hers and we both moaned simultaneously. I thrust my dick into her very wet pussy and she thrust into me. I was plunging myself into her while she drove her hips back at me in perfect sync. I have never had it feel like this before. There was like and electric charge between us. I kept getting the shivers as did she. Her breathing pattern began to change and I knew she was close. She took her hands from my back and moved them down to my ass so she could push me further into her. She tightened around my dick and squeezed it so tight I couldn't move my hips, but this action makes me explode all over her. We both panted and gazed into each other's eyes knowing we were meant to be together._

I heard this annoying sound and realized my beeper was going off. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock; it was 4:24 AM. I was being beeped; the beeper has interrupted me again when I was with the breathtaking woman. I think I need to get rid of this beeper.

Then I came to a realization, she is a married woman. But, where was her family, she didn't mention anything about them? Esme didn't mention anything about them in the chart either. I am going to have to get in touch with Esme and find out what has happened to them.

I hope I get to see her again. She does something to me, my mind and my body.

How can Edward feel this way? She is a married woman after all. Reviews are helpful and always encouraged!!!!! Thanks for everything readers. I hope you are enjoying the story so far


	4. Chapter 4 Heaven is a Playground

***All characters belong to Steph Meyer.***

**Thank you to Lotusblossom, maxandmo and my hubby for all the support and inspiration. Your patience and understanding can never be measured.**

**This chapter was difficult to write. None of this story ever happened to me, but I try and put myself in the other person's shoes. This chapter drove me to tears just as chapter one did. Please enjoy and read knowing I want my readers to feel as if they are seeing and feeling exactly what Bella is.**

**Please review, it helps to inspire another chapter!!!!!**

**Xoxoxox~~~~~ chainedirisheagle~~~~~ xoxoxoxoxoxo **

* * *

**~Chapter 4-Heaven is a playground~**

**~Bella~**

As I awoke I saw the most beautiful home. It was large, white and for its size very inviting. Esme obviously knew what she is doing when it came to landscaping and decorating. There were rose bushes throughout the yard and gorgeous evergreens. Everything was green. The house was set far back from the road with the perfect amount of privacy. Yet, I can see how it could get a little lonely here at night. Now I know why Esme would love to have me, someone to share this lonely house with. I knew the house would be even more breathtaking in the spring with all the color and warmth.

Esme noticed I was awake and she helped me from the car into the house. As I entered the enormous structure I felt a sense of calm. It was gigantic but it felt cozy. Esme said she brought my luggage here days ago and put it in my room, not that I had much. She took me up the stairs to show me my room. The room was perfect. It was very feminine and floral. There was a large king sized bed placed between two windows. Just opposite of the bed was a marble fireplace. This room was larger than my entire apartment in Haiti. I knew I could sleep away the days in this room. Then I noticed two doors on the north side of the room. Esme simply stated one was the closet and one was a full bath. I thanked her for her hospitality and asked if she minded if I clean myself up. She politely excused herself and left the room, but not before she let me know she went shopping while I was admitted to hospital and picked up a few necessaties for me. She put some clothes in the closet and toiletries in the bathroom.

I went to closet to see what she had purchased for me and grab a pair of comfy yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I went into the bathroom to see a large garden tub and a separate shower. I decided to take a bath. I turned the water onto hot and poured in some bath salts. While the tub was filling up I looked at myself in the mirror and I was shocked by the reflection. I look like I had aged 10 years. After everything I have been through in the last week, I don't know why I was shocked. I still had the same large black bags under my eyes that I had in the hospital and my eyes looked empty. I used to have a sparkle in them and now it was gone. My cheeks were sunken in and I looked like I had lost at least 15 pounds. What was I going to do with myself? My own reflection was making me feel disgusted. I am not the Bella Jacob fell in love with, I was a shallow shell of that person.

I slipped into the tub and tried to get comfortable. I couldn't, I felt like I was drowning. My head was above the water level and I couldn't catch my breath. I began to sob uncontrollably. All these thoughts were racing through my mind. I can't believe I am here, in this new place, in this beautiful home without my family. How could I have lost them all? I knew next week was going to be even worse than this week; I was going to have to bury my husband and my children. I think my life is over¸ what reason do I have to go on? I had no one to live for. I sat there in the hot water sobbing until it grew cold. I got out of the tub, dried myself off and put on the clothing Esme had generously purchased for me. I shut off all the lights and climbed in the enormous bed. It was cold and too big for my frail and little body. I rolled into a ball and pulled the covers up to my chin. I was hoping I was having a very long nightmare. I had a hard time believing that this is now my life.

I laid there in a trance. I couldn't snap out of it. I needed to go to sleep and not wake up. I was able to eventually fall asleep.

_I saw the children playing in the park as happy as they have ever been. I looked to my right and there was Jacob sitting next to me on the bench. He looked happy and content. I asked him how he was doing, he simply responded, "The kids and I are great honey, we are at peace. We never knew heaven could be this glorious. We miss you but we know we were meant to be here."_

_What was he talking about? Where were we? Was this a dream or a nightmare? I started to feel upset by his response. _

"_How can you think you were meant to be here, without me?" I asked upset._

"_You need to stay where you are, you were meant to be there." He stated arcaiclly._

"_I need to be with my family, my children. I can't live without all of you!!" I spat back._

"_Yes, you are and you will," he stated this with all the love he had for me, "you were meant to help another person that is hurting, you need to help him heal. Then you can be with us."_

_I started to cry as the conversation progressed. He just held me while brushing the tears away. "Honey, I love you with all my heart and so do Leah and Seth. We saw your future; we know you were kept there to help another. Please don't be sad, we are so happy here. We miss you but we know we can wait to have you with us. Time flies up here. Just please stay and help him so you can come be with us." He spoke calmly and convincingly. I believed him. I knew he wouldn't lie to me._

"_Can I talk to the kids, can I say bye to them again?"_

"_Of course you can. You know we heard you back in Haiti. What you said to each one of us meant the world to us. You were the best wife and mother we could have ever asked for. You are a special woman and you were a gift to us, we know that now. Hey Leah, Seth, mom wants to talk to you." He yelled to the kids._

_The kids ran to me from the play ground. They both hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe. I hugged them back just as hard. Seth was the first to speak. "Mommy, I saw you in Haiti holding me and singing our favorite song. I will never forget what you did for me while I was down there. I hear you singing our song to me every night. I miss you but I know God needs you down there." He then kissed me on the cheek and let his sister speak._

"_Mommy, I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. But I know you will be here with me after you do what God needs. I have already been watching out for daddy and Seth. You would be so proud of me, mommy!" I began to cry again. She wiped the tears off my face. "Please don't cry mommy, we are so happy here. We can see you whenever we want. I can always watch you. All I do is look down and you are there."_

"_Baby, I have always been so proud of you, both of you! You two know that right?" They both nodded. "Everything I have ever said to you two I meant with all my heart. You were the best gift your father and I could ever receive. You are both special and gifted. I will miss you dearly. I am happy to know that you two are so happy now. I can now continue my life knowing you are all here for each other in such a wonderful place." _

_Jacob interrupted, "Honey, he is here, it is time to go with him." He pointed across the park to a man approaching us. He was tall with copper hair. As he came closer I began to recognize him. It was the doctor from the hospital, the first one to see me after I woke up._

"_Who him, why him? Is he an angel or something?' I asked almost stuttering in confusion._

"_No, he is not an angel; he is the one you are meant to help." Jacob responded._

_I gave each of my children one last hug and kiss. I couldn't comprehend my time with my family ending so abruptly. I felt like I just got here. I told them how much I loved them and that I would never forget them. They ran back to play on the playground. I turned to Jacob and asked him with my eyes 'why'?_

"_Like I said Bella, he is the one you need to help." As he said this he did the strangest thing. He rubbed my stomach._

"_Ok, I will do what I need to. I love you honey¸ I will always love you. Please watch over me. Please take care of our children." I hugged him and gave him one last passionate kiss. I don't think I can remember a time where I felt so close to him yet so far away. He was like a mirage. _

_The doctor approached and put his hand out for me to grab. _

"_Take his hand, he will show you the way back." _

_I looked at my family one last time and felt at peace. I knew they were in a better place. I knew where I needed to be. I took the doctor's hand and we walked away from the park. For once I did not look back. I kept my eyes forward focusing on what I needed to do to get back to them. I left my family once more, yet this time I knew I would see them again. _

I woke up to the sun shining brightly through the balcony door. I didn't even notice the balcony yesterday when I entered the room. I had a strange feeling come over me. Did that really just happen? Was I in heaven with my family? Why was I meant to help Dr. Masen? I had so many new questions and I don't know how they were going to be answered. Yet some of my old questions were answered with the dream. Now I knew why I was spared. I was meant to help someone.

Things were coming full circle for me now. I remembered the electric reaction our bodies felt when we touched. I remembered looking at him and feeling an immediate attraction. Well, I am going to have to figure out how I am to save him or help him. I now have a mission.

I got out of the bed and decided to make an appearance downstairs to see if Esme was still here. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I already looked different. The black circles under my eyes were beginning the shrink and I saw the faint sparkle starting to come back to my eyes.

When I finally located the kitchen, I entered and was overwhelmed by the smell of coffee and bacon. What a wonderful smell. Esme was standing at the stove removing a piece of French toast from the skillet.

"Oh, good morning dear. How did you sleep? Were you able to locate everything that you needed?"

"Yes I was Esme. I slept like a rock. Thank you once again for everything." I responded truly grateful.

"You look very well rested. I think you needed a good night's sleep. I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and made a few appointments for us today? We have an appointment at 1 o'clock at the church and a 3 o'clock appointment at the funeral home. "

"Esme, of course I don't mind. It was going to have to be done sometime and it is not beneficial to procrastinate. When will Carlisle be arriving with my family?"

"In three days. He just is getting some of the business in order because when he returns he plans on staying with us for awhile. I think he realizes he is needed here right now. Please help yourself to breakfast. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, thank you. I can help myself. Please sit and relax, you have done enough."

"Bella, it is nice to be able to take care of someone again. My son moved out many years ago."

We ate breakfast and we were able to have a nice conversation without feeling uncomfortable. I don't know how Esme does it? She manages to know what I need. She gives me space and privacy when I need it and company when I don't. After breakfast I began to clean the kitchen. I insisted Esme sit while I did the dishes but she dismissed me and got up to dry. Our light comfortable conversation continued. When the kitchen was cleaned we both went to our rooms to get ready for the days appointments.

This time I took a shower. I actually put some makeup on and made an effort with my hair. Esme made sure I had the proper attire to wear to the appointments. In the closet there was a beautiful pair of black slacks and a silk cream top. The shoes were the right size and very beautiful. They were black pumps with a moderate heal. How did she know me so well?

I met her downstairs at 12:30 to leave for our appointments. She looked sympathetic. She knew this was going to be a rough afternoon for me.

"Bella you look beautiful. Does everything fit ok?"

"Of course Esme, you know me so well. Thank you."

"You're welcome dear. Well, we should go. It will take us about 20 minutes to get there."

She led the way to the car. We drove in a comfortable silence to the church. The church was beautiful. It was a catholic cathedral, which looked very old. The priest was very receptive to all my ideas of how I wanted the funeral mass to go. He made very good suggestion and let me know all my wishes would be granted. I thanked him and told him I was glad he was going to be involved with the funeral. We exited the church and made our way to the funeral home. It was only 10 minutes away from the church.

The funeral home was a little depressing. I had to pick out the caskets for the entire family. It was very hard to look at the smaller ones for Seth and Leah. It made me think how young they were to die. But, I brought myself out of the depression once I remembered the dream. I remembered their happy faces playing on the playground. I knew they were on a better place. Once all the arrangements were made at the funeral Esme asked me if I could handle one more stop. I let her know I was up to it and she said we still needed to go to the cemetery and pick out a plot and headstone. We then headed off to St. Thomas' cemetery. I was able to select a beautiful plot below a willow tree. It was up on a hill overlooking the magnificent grounds. I knew if Jacob was here he would have picked this exact location.

We headed home after everything was done. I made Esme and me a simple dinner. After we were done eating and cleaning up the dinner dishes we both wanted to call it an early night, it was a very long day for both of us after all. We both went to our rooms. I changed out of the lovely clothing; put the yoga pants and sweatshirt back on. I was going to have to go shopping tomorrow and get a few more things for myself. I climbed into bed and slept better than I have in the last week since the earthquake. I felt comfortable in knowing my mission, my purpose. I was going to do what I needed to do and I was going to get back to my family. I also knew Leah and Seth were always looking down on me. I wanted to be happy for them. The idea that the children knew that I missed them and loved them, brought me some measure of peace. Tomorrow is another day closer to being with them again. I was going to have to find a way to get in touch with Dr. Masen. Maybe I will schedule a follow-up appointment with him. I wanted to know how I was going to help him, how was I going to help him heal? I guess I will find out soon enough….


	5. Chapter 5 Red, Pink and White

Here is another sad one! Sorry, they will get better soon.

Thank you to Lotusblosm, Dundoo and maxandmo for the inspiration and support.

And thank you to LadyTx, she has graciously signed on to be my beta, this is her first time as well. We are all learning.

I couldn't do this without them.

Please enjoy and remember I post faster when I have more reviews.

Thanks for the reviews and alerts I have gotten so far, it feels great to be wanted!!!

Stephanie Meyer owns "Twilight".

~Chapter 5-Red, Pink and White~

~Bella~

I got up and decided to get dressed before breakfast. Being a nurse, I wore scrubs all day on the unit so I was used to wearing comfortable clothing. So when at home I wanted to dress up a little but still desired comfort; this usually meant jeans and a nice top. I really think Esme knew me in a former life; she was right on with all the clothing I liked to wear.

By the time I made it downstairs to the kitchen it was shortly after nine. Esme was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee reading the paper. "Good morning Bella, how did you sleep last night?"

"Very well, I have not slept that well since before the earthquake. How did you sleep? Yesterday must have been a long day for you?"

"I was tired so I slept well. Bella, I'm glad you let me help you with all of those funeral arrangements yesterday. Are you sure you are feeling OK?" She asked sympathetically.

"I'm fine Esme, you don't need to worry so much. I feel better. I am not as depressed as I was earlier. I was hoping to go shopping today and get a few things I needed for the service, would you like to join me? I was hoping I could have your company." I asked with hope in my voice.

"That sounds wonderful, when would you like to go?" She almost sounded relieved; I don't think she wanted to be in the house alone again.

"How about after I eat a little breakfast?"

"Of course, there are some baked croissants and fresh coffee. Help yourself."

I think Esme is trying to spoil me. After eating, I cleaned up my dishes and let Esme know I was ready. We threw on our coats and headed out to the garage. I could see excitement in her eyes. As the front door opened I immediately noticed the snow. It snowed last night, I couldn't believe it. I have not seen snow since I can remember. I grew up in Phoenix so of course, snow was not an option there. "It is just beautiful." I stated breathlessly.

"I didn't realize that you had yet to notice the snow? It snowed early this morning. I am glad you like it. Oh, I spoke with Carlisle early this morning. He said he will be home late tomorrow and to tell you he was eager to see you again. He was also so sorry for misdiagnosing you in Haiti."

"Esme, he does not have to apologize for that. It was very chaotic there. None of the equipment in the hospital was working and he had so many patients to treat. I can't wait to see him either. You know he was like a father to Jacob and I, and a grandfather to Leah and Seth. They loved him and treated him as such. Is he having any problems getting my family out of Haiti?"

"He said all the arrangements have been made and they will be arriving on the plane with him. I have already notified the funeral home and they will be meeting the plane when it lands. Did you want to be at the airport when it lands?"

"I think I'd like that." I was at peace with their deaths but I still felt sadness they were not here with me. We rode the rest of the way to the stores in a comfortable silence. It was one of the nice things with Esme; I do not feel like I have to fill the silence with awkward conversation.

When we got to Port Angeles, Esme pointed out the different boutiques which would have the right clothing to wear to the funeral service. The first store we walked into called the Tiger Lilly had some dresses to choose from. So I went ahead with two very simple black dresses. I was also able to find a lovely black wool coat and some black pumps. But the pickings were slim after closer inspection. If I was going to need to find anything better I was going to have to make a trip to Seattle. I did not want Esme to have to drive me that far, she has done enough for me already. After I purchased the dresses, coat and a few other necessities, Esme asked if I would like some lunch. I thought it was a great idea.

We stepped into a place called the SoHo Asian Bistro. I am so glad I did, this place was cute. We found a quaint table in the corner where we both knew we could talk without anyone being bothered by our conversation. Esme ordered some steamed rice and Asian vegetables. I thought that was a great selection so I ordered the same. We sat and talked about our families. I told her funny stories about Seth and Leah. We laughed for a long time about the things those two would get into.

After I was done she told me a few stories about her son, Eddie. He is older, around my age, and he lives in Seattle. You could tell she was missing him, but she would never say it. She said she did not see him often because he just finished medical school a short time ago and was working as a resident at Northwestern. The chances of me running into him were slim though, it was a very large hospital. Also, I do not recall a Dr. Cullen coming to see me.

After lunch, we headed home and once again I fell asleep. I could not believe it happened to me again. I really needed a follow-up appointment regarding my head injury, all this sleeping is not normal for me. I have not been this exhausted since I was pregnant with the kids.

When we got back to the house I excused myself to my bedroom so I could call Charlie and let him know the funeral was in two days. He would need to get here by tomorrow if he wanted to attend. The relationship between Charlie and I has been strained since my mother died and he remarried. It is not that I do not like his current wife, it just bothers me that he was able to remarry so shortly after my mother's death. I don't feel that there was a long enough mourning period as he married Sue only 4 months after my mom died. I anxiously dialed the number and silently hoped I would get the voice mail, but obviously I am not that lucky.

"Hello, Bella." He always spoke with such an official tone.

"Hi, dad. I just wanted to let you know I am in Forks, Washington now and with Esme's help I was able to make all of the funeral arrangements today."

"Oh, well that's good. When is everything scheduled?"

"On Thursday, Carlisle is flying in with them tomorrow. Will you be able to make it?" I asked, I am not sure what answer I was looking for.

"I will have to see what we can do. Um, I am going to have to take off of work and Sue hasn't been feeling well." He sounded very unsure of himself. I think he was waiting for me to go off on him.

What the hell!!! I began to get upset, how can he act like his grandchildren dying is an inconvenience and burden to him. What kind of grandfather is he? I decided then and there that I was not going to get into this with him. So, I responded to him as coldly as possible. "Well, dad if you can find the time and Sue feels up to it, I would appreciate it if you could come. Please call me back at this number when you know if you are going come or not, OK?"

"Sure, sure. Um, I will um... let you know when I can." He stated with great trepidation.

"Good-bye dad." I use that term loosely. Carlisle has been more of a father in the last 5 years than he could ever be.

"Good-bye Bella." He stated in his 'cop tone' again.

I hung up the phone and felt such rage inside my head and chest. I felt like my head was going to explode. How can that MAN be my father? What did I ever do to deserve such a bastard for a father? Well, if he does show up to bury his grandchildren I will be very surprised.

I was in the kitchen the next morning making breakfast when Esme walked in. She was genuinely very happy to see me each day. I was also very happy to see her. I am glad I finally got up early enough to take care of her. She has been doing so much for me, so much that I could never repay her.

"Carlisle called this morning. He has managed to get scheduled on an earlier flight. He and your family will be landing at 4:23 this afternoon and I already notified the funeral home of the change." She always spoke so gently and in such a way she was always trying to gauge my reaction. I think if she noticed I was getting upset she would say things in a different way.

"Oh, great, well thank you." I served her breakfast and we talked about general things. Nothing specific was brought up; I don't think she wanted to rattle me because she knew the next 48 hours were going to be hard for me.

Believe it or not we ended up wasting time until we had to go to the airport by watching a couple of my very favorite movies. We watched "Caddy Shack" and "Sixteen Candles". We had a nice time trying to forget what was upon us and live for the moment. It was soon time to leave for the airport as it was going to take us about 3 ½ hours to get there.

The car ride with Esme was comfortable as always. We spent more time as we did the previous day talking about the kids. I told her more stories of how well Leah was doing in school and how Seth was looking forward to starting Kindergarten the next year. She told me how Eddie was brilliant at school. She said he had a gift. That he would see something just once and he would never forget it. She said it was almost as if he had a photographic memory. We also talked about my job at the dialysis unit and how much I loved the patients. I told her that it still bothered me that I left all my patients there. I felt an enormous amount of guilt for it. This was their time of need and I just picked up and left. Esme thought the patients would understand. They would be told how I had lost my family and if they truly cared for me they would understand. She also let me know what she did before she met Carlisle. She was a social worker at Northwestern where she was part of the group which set patients up with hospice. I knew her past had something to do with death and grief because she was handling everything with me so well. She knew how and when to approach me and when to give me time to myself. I never feel like I have to talk when I don't want to. She is just the perfect person. She reminds me of my mother, Renee.

As we waited at the gate for the plane to arrive I began to feel anxious knowing my family was with me again. I began to picture Leah and Seth playing happily on the swings while Jacob was taking turns pushing them. In my dream they all seemed so happy and I was secretly hoping my dream was not one at all. I was hoping it was God's way of sending me a message. I want to believe I was really there in heaven with them.

Carlisle finally got off the plane and as his eyes met Esme's he ran to her and hugged her. The love I witnessed between the two of them was beautiful. The embrace lasted for a couple of minutes and I saw tears pouring down Esme's face. I can't believe I didn't see it before. Esme could be standing where I am right now; it could be her husband coming home to her in a casket. After they were done with their reunion Carlisle immediately came to me and hugged me for what seemed like forever. He was all I had left of my life, the life I had been living the last 7 years. Just as Esme did, I began to weep. He whispered in my ear to ask me how I was doing? I just nodded and said OK through the tears. Then it was time for my family to be brought off the plane. The entire tarmac came to a standstill. Hats were removed and heads were bowed by everyone standing there. I approached the largest casket first, bent over and kissed it. "Welcome home Jacob, I miss you, I love you." Then came Leah's and I did the same as I did with Jacob's. When Seth's came off I began to waiver. I felt as if I was going to break down when I saw the two small caskets together. But, Esme stepped up to my right and Carlisle stepped up to my left. As soon as they touched me and supported me I found my strength again, I was able to picture Jacob's, Leah's and Seth's happy faces. It was then that I was able to kiss Seth's casket, just as I had done the previous two. Each casket was then placed in separate hearses for their long trip to Forks.

We went to dinner in Seattle and then made the trip home. When we arrived it was late so we all went straight up to bed. Carlisle and Esme kept looking at each other with such affection and joy. I couldn't help but admire them, I do not think my love with Jacob was that strong. We loved each other very much, but we did not look at each other the way Esme and Carlisle did.

~~%%~~

The day of the funeral:

As I was getting dressed for the long day ahead of me, my father popped into my mind. I began to wonder if he was ever going to call me. I don't know if he came or not. I know my mother only died six years ago and although he did not take it well, he moved on, obviously. I don't understand how he could not come. If he doesn't come after the last conversation I had with him, that phone call will have been our final communication.

When I was done getting dressed I went down stairs to the kitchen to fix breakfast for everyone. While doing so the door bell rang. I did not hear Esme and Carlisle come down so I took it upon myself to answer the door. I opened the door and I was surprised by the sight, standing there looking very handsome in a black suit was my father and his wife, Sue. Although he looked handsome, he also appeared to be very nervous, as was Sue. I gave him a casual embrace and kissed Sue on the cheek, then invited them in.

"Wow, dad I didn't think you were going to be able to make it!" I said with some excitement. I did not want to have to end my relationship with my father; he was all the blood family I had left.

"I was able to get off of work and Sue thought we should come. I hope you don't think it was inappropriate for us to come here instead of meeting you at the funeral home?" He stated nervously.

"Of course not, you are welcome here. Oh, I smell breakfast burning, please come with me to the kitchen and join us for breakfast. Esme and Carlisle should be down any minute."

As Sue started to help me prepare breakfast, my dad sat down on the chair at the kitchen table and just stared at me with an awkward look on his face.

"You look good Bella, how have you been holding up?"

"I have been doing OK. It was hard to plan everything and see the caskets at the airport but Esme and Carlisle are really helping me to cope."

"I am glad you have them." He spoke sincerely.

Just as breakfast was ready to be served Esme and Carlisle walked into the kitchen. I introduced them to my father and Sue. They were both very pleasant and hospitable. After light conversation, everyone helped to clean up and then we were off for the funeral home. I went with my father in his rental car so we could have some more time to catch up.

My father talked about how he was thinking of retiring next year. Sue chimed in and said it was definitely time for him to retire and I got the feeling she wanted me to support the plan. Obviously she wants it and not my father, if things were up to him he would never retire. He lived and breathed the policeman lifestyle. He has been chief for 12 years now and can state with pride that the crime rate in his district has down since he took the position.

He started to ask me, very uncomfortably, what my plans were going to be after the funeral was over. I answered him honestly and told him I didn't know what I was going to do. I knew from my dream that I was meant to stay here in the Seattle area to help Dr. Masen but I didn't mention this to my dad. I just said I was probably going to stay here in this area. I told him I thought about getting my own place and getting a job at a local hospital. He just nodded as I spoke, but I got the feeling he wanted me to return to Phoenix with him.

"Is it bothering you that I am burying the kids and Jacob here?" I asked.

"Bella, you can do whatever it is you need to do. I respect your choices. But why did you choose here?" I knew that was a very valid question.

"Dad, it was so hard to be in Haiti. Carlisle could tell that I was not going to make it if I stayed, so he suggested I come here to stay with Esme. He said she could help me with everything, and dad, she has, she has been been a God-send. I don't think I would still be walking on this earth if it wasn't for her."

"I don't understand why you didn't come home to Phoenix? Come home to me?" He asked in a disappointed voice.

"I'm sorry I didn't come home to you. It would have been too hard. I met Jacob there and married him there. I just need to be by Carlisle, he understands what it was like there, and like I said before, Esme has really helped me through this horrible time."

"Alright I can understand what you are saying. But, don't forget you always have me, Bella. I am your father, and I am here for you. I am just a phone call away."

I did not understand why he was acting like this now. When I called him a few days ago he acted as if he couldn't get away to bury his son-in-law and grandchildren. What was with the sudden change? I couldn't handle the guessing game, so I wanted to end this conversation. "OK dad if I need you I promise I will call, thank you." There we have it, conversation over. Moments later we arrived at the funeral home.

When I walked in to Mount Olympus funeral home I was taken aback by the gorgeous arrangements surrounding each casket; red roses surrounded Jacob's, pink roses surrounded Leah's and Seth had gorgeous white roses. I don't remember selecting the flower arrangements, it must have been more work done by Esme. Once again she has thought of everything. I walked around and began to read the cards from the rest of the flower arrangements. There were quite a few from some of our friends in Phoenix, as well as some from my distant relatives that lived all over the country. I truthfully did not expect them to attend the funeral. I knew many of them didn't have the money, nor did they even know the children.

The five of us took our place in the receiving line waiting for someone to come through the door. When someone finally arrived, it was the priest, Fr. Lyons. He gave me a kind hello and had a short conversation with Carlisle and Esme. I introduced him to my father and Sue. After the priest arrived Billy Black rolled in with Sam Uley. I was so happy to see them. I was not sure if I expected them to make it. With Billy being wheelchair bound and Sam's wife Emily at home pregnant with their fifth child, to say it was a surprise would be an understatement. Jacob had not seen his father for a long time. I don't know why I didn't expect them to come, of course they would, Billy is his father and Sam was Jacob's best man at our wedding. I was now looking forward to catching up with them after this was all over. I kissed both of them on the cheek and hugged Billy for a long time. I was sad for him knowing he had just lost his only son. Sam had lost his best friend. I simply pointed and showed them where to sit so we could begin.

Minutes after Billy and Sam arrived the priest asked if I wanted him to begin, so I nodded. But, Esme said she was expecting someone and asked if he could wait a couple of minutes before he began.

At that moment he walked through the doors; Dr. Masen, the neurologist from Northwestern... The one I am meant to help. What was he doing here?...........

A/N: Alright, I am trying to be angsty. What do you think? Don't forget, I write faster when I have reviews. Also, don't be shy about ideas of how you want the story to go, I am open to suggestions.


	6. Chapter 6 Magnetic Force

**Thank you to Lotusblosm, maxandmo and my husband for your support.**

**Also, a big thank you to LadyTx, my beta. **

**She has really contributed to this story and is trying to make sure I don't ****so****und like too much of an idiot.**

**Thank you** **to all my readers and reviewers, this story is for you, and now we are getting to the good stuff. I can't wait to see where this relationship is going.**

~Chapter 6 -Magnetic Force~

~Edward~

I have been working since yesterday at noon and was just plain exhausted. As I was ready to leave for the day I was approached by Victoria. She was this gorgeous red haired Nurse Practitioner I was seeing for a short time. We had a great time the two times we went out, but I just didn't feel the spark with her. She didn't do it for me so I quickly broke it off with her after our last date. She was gracious about it and I think she has moved on.

"Hey, baby, how are you today?" She asked as she dragged her finger down my chest.

"I'm good, just a little tired, I have been on call since yesterday. Anything new with you?"

"Not much, just thinking about you." She said with a seductive tone.

"Please tell me you're joking. Why are you thinking about me?"

"I am just kidding you, but I do want you to keep in touch, you got it?" That last statement sounded a little odd but I just blew it off, Victoria has always been a little forward. "I am off to deliver another baby, talk to you soon sexy!"

"Bye Victoria, take care."

As I was walking away my cell phone rang, I checked the caller ID and saw it was Esme. She called me to ask if I would come to the funeral for Isabella Swan-Black's family. It's rare for her to ask something like that of me so I told her I would be there. Also, I know how close Carlisle and Esme were to them. I shudder at the thought; it could easily have been Carlisle's funeral that I was going to. I'm glad he was able to get out of there safely and I feel empathy for Mrs. Swan-Black for her loss. I don't think I could ever handle losing a child, much less both of my children.

I was wondering a few days ago what had happened to her family since she didn't mention them. My questions have now been answered by Esme's call. It's hard to believe she lost everyone, no wonder she was acting so distant and quiet when I saw her in the hospital.

I was finally able to leave the hospital and go home to get some sleep. I was going to have to wake up early and get ready for the funeral, due to the drive time to Forks. As I arrived home and took a much needed shower, I couldn't get the image of Isabella out of my mind. She was such a beautiful and gentle woman. As thoughts and images appeared over and over again in my head, the arousal began. Her perfect body, her perfect soul, I began to stroke my very hard erection. Dreaming about her always made me very hard. I just pictured her in the shower with me. I watched the water run down between her perfect breasts. Then I had the image of thrusting myself inside as she moaned my name. We took it slow and we just enjoyed the feeling of being inside each other. We kissed passionately as our tongues danced with each other. I was close to release. I imagined what it would be like to feel her orgasm. This thought put me over the edge. As I came hard, the feeling was phenomenal. I tingled from my head to my toes, it was like the same electrical charge I felt when I touched her. I wanted her in every way possible, her body, mind and soul. I felt like I knew her so well, yet I only spoke with her for a few minutes.

Why am I feeling this way? I'm so confused, I don't even know her. Maybe this is just the fatigue making my mind ramble through all these random thoughts. I need to get to bed and see how I feel about everything in the morning.

I quickly got out of the shower, toweled off and got into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

_I kept looking around and saw blue skies and puffy clouds. As I progressed forward I noticed a playground, there were several kids playing on all the different slides and jungle gyms. There was a couple sitting across the park on a bench talking to each other and two children. It was a man around my age, he had dark hair cut short and he was built. The woman had beautiful brown hair as did the two children. As I walked closer the woman came into view better, it was Isabella Swan-Black. _

_Where am I? What is she doing here? Who is that sitting with her? Who are the children? I had so many questions I knew were not going to be answered. I began to feel anxious, my heart was pounding and I was sweating. Then a peaceful and soothing voice spoke to me. But there was no one standing by me. Whoever it was their voice was just heard in my head._

"_Go to her, she is here for you. She will guide you, help you. Take her hand." For some reason the voice immediately calmed my nerves. I was slowly starting to breathe at an even pace and my heart started to beat at a regular rhythm. _

_I kept walking toward the beautiful woman and the three people she was talking to. Then she started to cry as she hugged the two young children, she spoke some words I couldn't hear. Lastly she hugged the man, spoke some words to him and kissed him passionately. Now I know who they are, they are her family. She was saying goodbye to them. My heart was beginning to hurt as I was witnessing the exchange between all of them. How hard it seemed to be. The children surprisingly seemed happy and I saw them wave to her as they played__._

_When I finally reached Isabella and her husband he said it was time for her to go with me. He told her to take my hand and I would lead the way out of this gorgeous place. At this point I still had no idea where I was going or what I was doing._

_The voice spoke again, "take her hand and lead her toward the light."_

_I did as the voice requested. Isabella and I walked hand in hand away from her family. She was at peace with this. She gave me no resistance._

I woke up with a deep gasp for air. What just happened? Was that a dream? That was strange. Why has she been in every dream I have had since I met her? Why am I so drawn to her? It's like she was an angel sent down from heaven. I need to see her again so I can get some answers. I know now that I need to go to this funeral and not just because Esme asked, I want to go. I looked at the clock and it was minutes away from the alarm going off. I decided to get up and get ready for the funeral.

I hopped in the car and started the 3 hour drive to Forks. All I could think about was her. How she smelled, how she looked and her soft delicate voice. When she spoke it was as if she sang to me. My heart raced and my stomach did flips. She made me sweat just thinking about her, and it wasn't all sex in my mind. Don't get me wrong I fantasized plenty about making love to her, but I felt there was more with her, more than just physical attraction. It was a deep feeling I felt every time we touched.

I came to the realization that I had been driving for an hour with no music on, the car was silent. I decided I needed to stop obsessing about her, so I turned on my iPod. Clair De Lune was the first song to play. Perfect. I needed to calm my thoughts and focus on anything else but her, I will be seeing her soon enough.

I pulled up to the Olympia Funeral home a few minutes late; I hope Esme is not to upset with me. As soon as I stepped out the car the feelings all came back, everything I felt in the car for the first hour of the drive. My stomach and heart doing flips, profuse sweating, oh crap, what am I going to do? I need to compose myself. I took a couple deep cleansing breaths and talked to myself. If anyone saw me out in the parking lot they would think I was nuts. "She is just a woman, she is just a woman." It wasn't working that well, but at least the sweating was no longer profuse.

I slowly walked through the front door and saw the sign, 'Black" with the arrow pointing in the direction of the correct room. It was only a few paces away. I walked in and the first person I saw was Carlisle, he looked so sad and tired. He was pale and had large bags under his eyes. He shook my hand and did the one arm hug thing that guys always do. He whispered a thank you to me for coming. I simply nodded without speaking back to him. I let go and moved onto Esme. We greeted each other with kisses on both cheeks and a tight hug. As I hugged her I closed my eyes knowing if I didn't I would see _her_. She was next in the receiving line and I was trying to delay the inevitable.

"Where have you been, I feel like I am hugging a stranger?" Esme whispered into my ear.

"Sorry mom, work has been crazy."

"Sad excuse, but thank you for coming." She whispered again as I nodded in acknowledgment.

We let go of each other, I moved forward and came eye to eye with the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. She had a different look in her eyes this time, it wasn't sadness anymore, it was peace. I reached my hand out to her hoping they were somewhat dry from the perspiration. She grabbed it and then it hit me, a jolt of electricity began at my fingers and ran through my body. We looked at each other shocked as we both took a long, labored gasp. She must have felt it too.

"Dr. Masen, it's nice to see you here. You didn't have to come. Do you know Esme and Carlisle?"

She asked with mild shock and excitement in her voice.

"This is Eddie, Bella." Esme chimed in.

"Oh, I didn't know."

"Sorry Bella, my name is Edward. I am Esme and Carlisle's son."

"But your last name?"

"I'm adopted, they took me in when I was twelve."

"Well, it's nice meeting you, Edward. Again, thank you for coming."

"I am so sorry for your loss." I do not handle funerals very well. I am always at a loss for words. What do you say to a woman who has lost her entire family?

"You can take a seat. The Reverend is going to start." She spoke with such grace and elegance. She appeared as if she was at peace with the loss of her family. She was still sad but not distraught. She smiled and nodded toward the chairs.

I smiled back at her and her face seemed to light up a little. I turned, walked away and found a seat. Moments later Carlisle and Esme took the seats on either side of me. Bella had some words with the Reverend and then she took the seat directly in front of me. I was drawn to her, it was if we were magnets and I was being pulled toward her. It was a strange feeling and very calming.

The morning and afternoon were spent at the funeral, church and cemetery. I could not stop looking at her. She did shed some tears and I heard a few sobs. I couldn't stop feeling her pain. I wanted to take it all away and heal her in every sense of the word. The worst moment for her was at the cemetery when it was nearly over. All the people there, which weren't many, walked by each casket, said small prayers and put some flowers on them. I don't know what she said when she went to each one; I imagine she was saying her final good-bye. An announcement was made by the Reverend that everyone was invited to meet back at Esme and Carlisle's home. I knew now was my chance to talk to her and try and find out what was going on with us. I wanted to know why I was having these strange feelings and if she felt the same. I needed to find out without offending her though. After all, she had just buried her family.

As I walked into my parent's house she was standing at the door to welcome all the guests.

"I'm so glad you came. I really appreciate it." She spoke quietly. Then she opened her arms to hug me. I opened my arms and went to hug her back. As we touched I felt another jolt and her breathing hitched. She did feel it too; I was not imagining any of this. Where do we go from here?


End file.
